I had a fairytale childhood. Our spacious house, built by my father, was located between both sets of my grandparents’ homes. All my emotional and material needs were met. But when changes started happening with my dad, I didn’t notice them . . . until I willfully disobeyed him, lied to him and betrayed him, for which he shunned me. From my teenager point of view, “that” started a downward spiral, with the end being his suicide: a bullet, a hanging, and my perfect childhood home on fire. For various reasons, I believed all of this was my fault, and “going on” afterward seemed impossible. So much of “what happened” was immediately put in a box. Throughout the 20 years of the guilt sentence I gave myself, I opened the box time and time again, taking out the pieces of what I’d experienced, examining them and learning what I could about resolving them within myself. Now, having documented it all in this book, the box is open, for all to see. No more secrets. I want to be clear that in many ways my story is like two different books. This book details my life, my fathers suicide, and after the death. My adult life contains many adventures, and part of which includes an extensive career working for the Hawaiian Tropic Model Search. Every choice I have made in my life and how I have reacted to all situations have been influenced by my fathers suicide in one way or another. I have no doubt about that. I still think about my fathers death every day. I believe this book can be of great service to those who have lost a loved one to suicide by helping them release their guilt, find what will bring them joy and go on to live a freer, more fulfilled life. www.leftbehind-abookforsuicidesurvivors.com

Hide more